i could stay here

I've been waiting to find something here that I don't like. Some little detail that's out of place, something that jars me out of my enchantment with Japan and makes me long for my familial home because I like it the American way better. Something that's not exciting, or cute, or interesting. Something that makes me think, "It'll be nice to have/do such-and-such again when I go back to the States."

Except that's not what's happening. Everything I do, everywhere I go, I keep having other thoughts. I keep making plans for a future in Japan. At the grocery store today, I thought, "I should learn to de-bone and clean a fish so I can find markets to buy fresh, cheaper fish from." I thought, "When I learn enough Japanese, I should see if I can join one of those community farms to get fresh vegetables." At home, I thought, "It'd be nice to have a little chair in that corner there. Well, I'll save up and buy one later."

I'm not thinking about what I'll do this year. I'm thinking about what I'll do in the next three years.

I know I've only been here, in my apartment, for four days. That's it. I've got plenty of time to be disappointed with something, to meet someone mean, to have something disastrous happen, to have my dream ripped away from me. I'm practical, and realistic. But every day I find myself making plans for the future, investing myself in it in a way I never quite have before.

I hesitate to phrase it this way, since it's still early days, but I think I might very well be falling in genuine love with Japan. The way I feel here is quiet, peaceful. I'm thrilled to go about ordinary tasks because I'm doing things in a Japanese way: sleeping on a futon, driving on the left side of the road, even taking my shoes off before entering my apartment.. Even working tirelessly hard and caring about every detail is fulfilling, because I'm in a country where everyone else is doing the same.

I can't say I'll feel this way in a month, or six months, or a year. But right now, this is my dream coming true. I'm cooking udon noodles, from Japan, in Japan. I'm drinking matcha tea. I'm practicing speaking Japanese to people, and listening, and learning.

I hesitate to say I'm in love. But then again, it's entirely possible I've been in love with Japan for years, only I never thought I'd get here. I never thought I'd get to see the place I loved. And now that I have... it's everything.