goals and sacrifies

I've started listening to this podcast called I Should Be Writing. It's hosted by Mur Lafferty, who has written several books, including one called "The Shambling Guide to New York City," which I've previewed and would like to read. Mur's podcast is really great. She talks about her own struggles as a writer, answers questions sent in by listeners, and discusses facts and myths about the actual profession of "writer," such as working with agents, editors, publishers, and how a book goes from manuscript to final product. Mur also interviews fellow writers, such as Charlaine Harris (whose book series is the basis for the TV show True Blood) and, wonderfully, author Jim Hines, who besides being a great author is also a fantastic person.

Besides being an author, Jim is also known for occasionally choosing book covers featuring women who've been contorted for the sake of sex appeal, and then replicating those covers using himself. It's a hilarious commentary on how even when shown holding guns and fighting monsters, women are posed for the sake of sex appeal, not strength or practicality. During Mur's interview with Jim, they got to talking about his writing practices; when he writes, if he has a strategy or a system, how he stays motivated, etc. Jim said that he writes on his breaks at work, because he's married and has kids. He makes decent money as an author, but if he didn't have his day job, he wouldn't have the health insurance that he does, and his family needs it because one of his kids has a medical condition. What this means for Jim is that he has to make some sacrifices sometimes in order to get in his writing time. He said that once, his wife and kids went on a great trip together, while he voluntarily stayed home to finish The Mermaid's Madness, one of his books from the Princess quartet (which I adore). Regarding this decision, Jim states, "Did I get the book done on time? Yes, I did. Was staying home the right decision? I still don't know."

Currently, it is November, and for many writers, that means NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo (shortened to NaNo) is a writing challenge where you try to write 50,000 words (essentially a short novel) in 30 days. At NaNoWriMo.org, people set up profiles, add information about the book they're writing, add "writing buddies" for support, and, most importantly, track their word count. On average, a writer must log at least 1667 words each day in order to hit the 50,000 word goal by November 30th. To give you an idea of how much that is, the amount of words I've written in this blog post so far (including this sentence) is about 462 words. The daily word goal for NaNo is over triple that. It is a hell of a lot of words.

Last year (2013) was my first year officially participating in NaNoWriMo. At the time, I knew I'd been hired by Interac and was going to Japan in March, but I'd had no current job to keep me busy. I'd always wanted to try NaNo, so I thought, "What the hell," and with no prior planning of characters, setting, or plot, I dove right in.

With much frustration and typing right up to the deadline, I made it. I won NaNo with 50,038 words.

I'm doing NaNo again this year, but now I have a day job that leaves me tired before I get home. I'm keeping up, though. I've nearly cracked 10k words, which is what my total should have been yesterday. But it's Friday, so I have Sat and Sun to sit around in various Starbucks around town and just write for hours.

Which brings me, at long last, to my actual point of this whole blog post.

My favorite thing about NaNo is that it gives me a concrete reason to make writing a priority. I try to write as much as I can, but during NaNo, I push myself even harder. Moreover, I can't hop around among stories, because my word count has to be all from ONE novel. (I don't know if that's the official rule, but it is for me.) I get to tell myself, "Okay, when you get home, you're writing." And, "Okay, this weekend, you're writing." I don't have to find anything to do with my evenings, my weekends, my holidays. What am I doing? I'm finishing my damn NaNo count for today, is what I'm doing.

I've always wanted to be a writer. I used to put "author" as my dream job on worksheets in elementary school until I figured out that "author" wasn't considered a real job. I've been making up "better" dream jobs to have since then, or letting myself settle with what exists and what I can get. I tried editing. I tried writing articles. I like teaching, and I like working with kids. For regular payment, "teacher" is excellent and fulfilling job to have. What I really love, though, what makes me feel utterly happy and content, is a beverage beside me and something to write on in front of me. In college, I filled my notebooks with stories as much as I did actual notes. I always keep a notebook with me in case I just get the urge to write a scene or story idea. When looking forward to weekends, I don't think about going to the movies or parties or travelling. I think about putting on something cute and comfortable, packing up my computer, going to Starbucks, and sitting around writing for HOURS. Sometimes I stay until they close at midnight. I drive home on empty roads illuminated by dim yellow streetlights. The world feels empty of everyone else, and it's wonderful.

I dream of getting published. Pretty much every author does, honestly. But the trick to getting published is that the chance of it happening are 0% if you've never finished a book and never submitted one to an agent or publisher. If your book isn't out there, it most certainly is never getting published.

I want to finish something. My goal right now is to learn how. I've never finished something, really finished, written a long story with beginning and rising action and climax and conclusion. I've never actually written "The End" on anything.

I've decided that I'm gonna change that.

Like Jim Hines, I'll probably make some sacrifices, and I don't know whether they'll be worth it in the long run. I could work many hours on a book, or several books, and get nothing. That's the risk you take when you try to do this kind of thing. I'd rather die having actually tried, though, than still have a million folders on my flashdrive full of half-done stories and not a single "The End" in sight.

I'm in Japan right now, and already I've seen fewer cities and famous locals than a lot of my peers. I don't much give a shit about that, though. I'm not a person who can get up and just go out and go; I gotta plan. And I plan on being in Japan for some years. I'm in this for the long haul. Eventually, I'll make it to Hokkaido, and Kyoto, and Osaka, and the cat island Tashirojima. I'll do it on my own terms, though, when I'm ready, and when I've got the money to really make a thing of it. I'd also like to focus on learning Japanese. Learning Japanese is another of those things I'd like to not die having left undone. I've got three years to get fluent, and I'm gonna do it.

Likewise, the longer I spend not finishing books, not editing them and not submitting them the publishers, the less time I spend being a published author (fingers crossed for that), and the less time I spend working on new ideas as they come to my head. I have an enormous backlog of viable book ideas that it'll take literal years to get through. I need to start on that.

The older I get, the more my life philosophy comes down to, "Fuck it, this is my life, and it's the only one I get." As years go by and I achieve more things--like living in Japan and finally being able to fall asleep on time most nights without lying awake stressed--the less I give a shit what anyone thinks my goals should be or how I should achieve them.

So, I'm gonna finish NaNoWriMo. That's not a question in my mind. I've got the willpower. As long as I don't let up on that, I'll be fine. Then, when NaNo's done, I'll apply that same commitment to editing last year's book into something I can submit to an agent.

All of this will be work, and likely it'll be stressful at times. I could probably slow down, take some trips, see the sights, go to the mall, I dunno. I'll do some of that stuff. Mostly, though, I'm gonna work. Because I want to finish a book, and I want to learn Japanese.

I'm gonna spend time on my own, taking walks, seeing the sights, and enjoying my time in Japan. But for me, it won't mean anything if I don't achieve the goals I've set for myself. If I leave Japan having barely learned Japanese, that'll be a waste. If I write all these bits and pieces of stories but finish nothing, that'll be a waste, too.

I've got a lot to do, and I'm going to do it. I'm going to eat good food, exercise, get sleep, watch Netflix, and keep myself happy and sane so I can get these things done.

Tomorrow I've got some festival thing at Koya school, and then it'll be just me and NaNo. Wish me luck.

(Fun fact, this blog post is just long enough to make up a full day’s worth of writing to meet the minimum goal for NaNoWriMo, clocking in at 1679 words.)